Tag Archives: oc walk to remember

A Healing Journey for Mind, Body, and Spirit – Guest Blogger Catherine Keating

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The first time I saw pregnant on our Home Pregnancy Test, I was elated.  A little surprised it had happened so quickly, but completely ready to dive into the world of being Mommy.  It had never occurred to me that things might not end up my way – having been a nurturer all my life, it was a given that I would soon welcome my own little bundle into this world.

It was not to be.  About ten weeks after that test, a typical Friday of preschool teaching became a nightmare of a weekend, as we spent the weekend losing our precious baby.  Losing this baby had not been on my radar, and I was thrown into the most intense grief I’d ever known.  I screamed and cried and soul searched, and tried to make sense of it, finally coming to the conclusion that these things did happen, and I wasn’t to be excluded.  We decided to try again.  Soon enough, I was expecting once more.  Even more quickly, this time, my hopes were dashed.  At eight weeks on the dot, heavy bleeding gave way to another day at the hospital, and the ultrasound that ended with a tech telling me, “No heartbeat. Second failed pregnancy.”

After my second loss I did not know where to turn.  I simply did not know how to assimilate what was happening into my schema of this world – a place I loved fiercely – I did not know how to go on being the person I was while holding these devastating losses in my heart.  One day I decided to pull out my Crayola 64 Box and some construction paper.  I remember choosing a big green piece of paper for my project – Green seemed appropriate for some reason.  I used my crayons to create a list.  I created a list of people, books, quotes, places, songs, poems, you name it, anything that inspired me.  I posted that list on my wall, and I told myself I would choose one thing daily.  And I did.  Little by little that one small thing started to bring a moment of joy, a moment of beauty back into my life.

During this time I also fell deeply into my yoga practice.  I’d been practicing for years, so it felt natural to lean into my practice for support.  Yoga gave me space to be whomever and however I was at any particular time.  It fed my spirit, and let me know that at some point, I would be ok again.

Between these two things, a yoga practice and finding small moments of beauty, I knew I was on to something.  As I worked through my own grief in this way, as I address healing for myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I felt deep within me that my methods could be beneficial for more women.  A few years later, I’m so happy to present the result of my journey.  My tool-kit for healing became a book and a website that I am so honored to be able to share with others.  There Was Supposed To Be a Baby: A Guide for Healing After Pregnancy Loss is available on my website, www.therewassupposedtobe.com,  and on Amazon.  My greatest hope is that this guide can help other women find small moments of beauty and grace, and create for themselves a path to healing spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  One form of healing cannot be achieved without another – and I hope I am able to help others find that balance.

Take care of yourself.  Take is slow.  Be gentle.  Be well.

Catherine Keating speaks from the heart and her experiences address your healing at every level.  With a  passion for health and wellness and a background in teaching and yoga, Catherine found a way to heal after her miscarriages.  As a woman who experienced the loss of two pregnancies, she knows firsthand what it means to heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  She is excited to share her story with you.

http://www.therewassupposedtobe.com

Long Drive: by Kelly Farley

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I recently spoke with a grieving dad, Don, and we were discussing how early on, we would often cry on our way to work in the morning.  I drove to work, but he took public transportation.  He said he would sit there and cry by himself thinking about his daughter who recently died after being struck by a vehicle.   I told Don that although it was a short 10 minute commute, it was a long drive.

A long drive from the standpoint that when I was early in my grief, I would get in my car and pull out of the driveway and I would start to cry.  At times I would also feel a sense of dread and panic.  I had fear of going to the office, I knew I wasn’t performing to the level I was before the loss of my children and was worried that they would find out and fire me.  There were some days where I couldn’t do it on my own and would start making frantic phone calls to whoever would answer.  The person would answer and knew it was me.  Not from my voice, I couldn’t speak, but from the silence of one fighting back his emotions.  I couldn’t speak because as soon as I would hear the person’s voice, I would start to cry.  I needed help desperately and was trying to find it in small increments.   I was trying to find someone that would hang on to me and not let go until I was done talking.  Although this was a while ago for me, I haven’t forgotten those frantic days.

I hear from a lot of men who say they cry on their way to work.  As I stated earlier, Don was no exception to this.  However, his approach to this was much different than mine.  Not better or worse, just different.  I shared my experience with Don and then asked him, “While you were sitting there on the bus, did you ever wish someone would reach out to you and ask you if you were ok?”  He quickly replied, “No, I would have been embarrassed.”  I found this interesting because there were times I wished someone in the vehicle next to me would noticed the pain I was feeling and ask me if I was ok.  I wished someone would have asked me that because I needed an outlet for my pain and needed to tell my story.  I already had an answer just in case someone did ask.  My answer to someone asking me if I was ok was, “no, my two babies have died.”  I am sure that response would have really freaked them out, but that was the heavy burden on my mind at the time and it needed to be said out load.

Based on my experiences, if I would ever see someone crying by themselves, I would most certainly ask them if they were ok.  Obviously my goal wouldn’t be to embarrass them, but to let them know someone cares.

Did/do you often cry on the way to work?

Would you reach out to someone else that shows emotion in public?

 

 

 

Kelly Farley (Bereaved Dad)

Author of Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back

www.GrievingDads.com

 

Special Delivery Book Donation

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Melanie Tioleco-Cheng’s Story…

I was eighteen weeks pregnant with Macy when we found out that she had trisomy 18.  As a pediatrician, I knew immediately what it meant–that she was likely not to live for very long, or perhaps born still.  In the subsequent weeks, we found out that she had several other major medical problems and realized that, in fact, we were fighting against all odds to meet her.  In the end, we decided that comfort care would be the most loving thing we could decide to do for Macy, and we feel lucky that we were able to spend two hours with her after she was born.

I wrote Special Delivery one night when I couldn’t sleep and was trying to figure out how to explain what was going on with Macy to my then two-year old older daughter, Kat.  There were so many unknowns so it was hard to decide what to tell her, but one thing we did want her to know was that Macy was special and that she was loved.  Kat has always been very intuitive and verbal and she knew that something was going on.  We didn’t want her to be afraid of my pregnancy or Macy’s upcoming birth, but we did want her to know that it was likely that Macy would not live for very long.

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Jessica Alba’s The Honest Company Supports OC Walk to Remember

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We are thrilled to announce our partnership with Jessica Alba’s The Honest Company!

APRIL 19, 2012 – OC Walk to Remember, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping parents who have lost a baby in pregnancy and infancy, today announced The Honest Company as a sponsor. The Honest Company, co-founded by Golden Globe-nominated actress Jessica Alba, provides safe, natural, non-toxic, eco-friendly family products.

OC Walk to Remember hopes the sponsorship by The Honest Company will create more awareness and support for pregnancy and infant loss. One in four pregnancies ends with the death of a baby. Millions of babies die each year due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and other medical issues that make them incompatible with life.

“As a mother, my heart breaks for parents who have lost a child,” says Jessica Alba, Co-Founder of The Honest Company. “One of our core goals at The Honest Company is to support families and sponsoring the OC Walk to Remember is just one small way we can help.”

“It’s often impossible to know why these fatalities happen,” says Christopher Gavigan, Co-Founder of The Honest Company. “But, we do know that populations exposed to certain toxic chemicals experience higher rates of loss. The Honest Company is committed to reducing these exposures.”

The funds raised by OC Walk to Remember make it possible for nearly twenty hospitals and support groups to give parents the help needed after the death of a baby.

“We are grateful for the support of The Honest Company” said Kristyn von Rotz, Cofounder and Executive Director of OC Walk to Remember. “Losing a baby is devastating and something parents should not go through alone. Sponsorships like these allow us to continue our mission of helping grieving families.” Von Rotz, an Orange resident, started the organization after her son Joseph died at birth in 2004.

The 8th Annual OC Walk to Remember Memorial Service, 5K Walk and Celebration of Angels will take place October 6, 2012 at The District at Tustin Legacy. Last year nearly 2,000 participants came in support of pregnancy and infant loss. The Honest Company will provide samples of their products at this year’s event.

For more information about OC Walk to Remember: www.ocwalktoremember.org

For more information about The Honest Company: www.honest.com

Find a Purpose – by Guest Blogger Kelly Farley of the Grieving Dads Project

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We are honored to be joined by a new guest blogger, Kelly Farley of the Grieving Dads Project.  Dedicated to helping grieving dads, the project is designed to reach out to all bereaved dads and to provide a conduit to share their stories.  One of his goals with the Grieving Dad Project is to bring awareness to the impacts that child loss has on fathers and to let society know that it’s okay for a father to grieve the loss of a child.  Kelly reminds us that a father shouldn’t have to hide his pain or feel ashamed to show his emotions.

We appreciate Kelly’s work in the loss community and are looking forward to sharing his regular posts with you.  We are also looking forward to the April release of his book: Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back.

Find a Purpose

I am a grieving dad that has lost two babies on two separate occasions.  My approach to these losses varied greatly and produced two very different results.  After the death of my daughter Katie, I tried to be the pillar of strength for everyone around me.  I was trying to fight the pain so I wouldn’t think about what happened.  I tried to put the pain into a deep dark corner of my mind hoping to never see it again.  I did everything to avoid this pain for as long as I could.

It turned out that “as long as I could” was about 18 months.  It was the first time in my life I experienced episodes of anxiety and depression.   I now know this was a result of not dealing with my pain and emotions brought on by the death of my daughter.  Shortly after the episodes of anxiety and depression started, the unspeakable happened again, I lost my son Noah.  I was sent into tailspin and found myself deep in the darkness of grief.  I finally gave in to my pain and decided to take a few months off from work to try to put my life back together and to truly allow myself to embrace the grieving process.  I stopped fighting to become the person I use to be and learned to accept that I will never be the same person again.  The pain caused by the death of a child never leaves you, but the sharpness of the pain can dull over time.

During the dark days of my pain, I knew that if I survived the despair I was feeling, I was going to do something to honor Katie and Noah.  I didn’t know what it was going to be, but clinging to that thought helped me through those dark moments.  When the fog of grief started to lift, it became clearer to me that I wanted to help other grieving dads through this very difficult experience.  To let them know they are not alone and to let them know that what they are thinking and feeling is a normal response to a not so normal situation.

I have spent that last two years blogging and speaking with men about the death of a child.  One of the things I learned from these grieving dads is that there is a common theme between the dads that are doing “ok” and the dads that are still very stuck in the grief.  The men that are doing “ok” have found a purpose, a cause, to honor their child.  Some have created care packages to give to local hospitals for parents that have lost a baby.  I interviewed one dad whose son loved to play hockey, so every year he organizes a fundraiser to purchase hockey jerseys for a team of less fortunate kids.  Another dad provides food to needy families at the Holidays.

Living to honor our child’s life can take on many forms.  The way we can honor our children is very unique and personal to the individual.  Becoming involved and participating in important events like the OC Walk to Remember is an excellent way to honor your child.  I remember the first couple of years when my wife and I walked in our local Walk to Remember.  These experiences allowed us to spend time with other families that were coping with the death of a child and to honor Katie and Noah.  I encourage each of you to participate in the October 6, 2012 event.  If you have the strength, I also encourage you to volunteer your time to help organize and plan for this walk.

I encourage anyone that has lost a child to find that one thing that honors your child and brings you hope.  It’s a way to carry on your child’s memory while helping you out of the depths of despair.

Kelly Farley

www.GrievingDads.com

Author of Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back (April 2012 Release)