My Beautiful Angel, Paz

My name is Amparo C. Vargas and I am the mommy to a beautiful angel, Paz.

I was so thrilled to know I was expecting, I held the excitement until my daughter and husband got home and we all had dinner. of course they were so happy, right away I asked my husband if it’s a girl I want her name to be Paz (Peace) Well Paz it was, I didn’t want to know the sex of the baby. At every doctor appointment, she would ask and I would tell her, it’s in God’s hands and be happy with whatever He would like to bless us with.

Well, I was about 6months pregnant when I was getting ready to take a shower and just started bleeding. I was rushed to Huntington Hospital where I was checked out. Doctors said they couldn’t see anything wrong and the baby was doing good, so I was sent home on bed rest.  A week later, I was scheduled for the amnio centesis, which i also refused.  I just believed in my heart that God knew what he was doing. If they would find anything wrong with Paz, I would still love her, nothing would change.

The bleeding continued. I was admitted to the hospital on complete bed rest. There was much medicine and I couldn’t tolerate it any longer. I was so drained and tired. The last thing that I remember was on being steroid shots for almost two weeks to help Paz’s lungs. I remember sending my husband out to buy Paz a onsie outfit with a big peace sign on the belly area. He was asking me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby and I said no. But, in my heart I knew it was my Lil Paz that I had been waiting for.

Maybe, an hour after my husband left, my water broke. The nurse rushed in and told me it would be ok.  The monitor was placed on me again and everything seemed ok. The doctor was called in and she told me there was enough fluid for my baby to survive, maybe a couple more days. But, I had to be very careful for infections. By this time, I remember my family and friends calling and telling me it would be ok. Their babies were born 5 to 6 months and survived, so I had tons of hope that Paz would make it.

Well, within hours Paz was under stress. All I remember was being taken to the OR for an emergency C-Section. My baby girl was born on Nov.19, 2008 at 3:15pm and left my entire world at 3:45pm….She took her last breaths in her daddys arms, which gives me some comfort. She was a very lucky Lil lady. She was also baptized and given her name I longed for Paz C. Vargas. I finally was able to see Paz, and oooh was she so beautiful. I held her, kissed her, and talked to her for as long as I wanted. Finally, it was time to say good-bye. I kissed my Lil girl goodnight and sent her off.

Coming home was the worst, I was so empty, I just wanted to sleep in bed. I remember thinking it’s not fair to my husband and my daughter Jessica. Four days later, I got up and did some laundry.  When I stepped outside, the sky was just soooo beautiful.  It was pink and tons of clouds made it just so perfect. I thought maybe that was a sign from Paz letting me know it was beautiful for me to go on and not be so sad. My heart ached so much.

A week later, I had to go back to see my doctor to have the stitches taken out from the C-Section. and to check the pain in my left leg. Immediately, I was sent to have a Ct scan done and MRI. I had a large blood clott in my leg and a pulmonary embolism. I was grieving the loss of Paz and now, my doctor didn’t even know if I would make it through the night.  Many,many, many thanks to La Tanya Hines(my OB) she never left my side and made sure I stayed alive.

Paz’s services took place in West Covina Forest Lawn on December 1, 2008. It was a beautiful service and we got to see Paz one last time. I promised her that she would never, ever be forgotten and would keep her alive in my heart.

The hardest thing is to move on. I felt guilty at times to be happy and have fun. But one day, you just realize that it’s ok. Life does go on, not the way you wanted it, but it does go on.

I will Forever Love You my Lil Angel Paz C. Vargas

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